In the midst of craziness

Tuesday was a scary day for me. Waking up in the wee hours of 0200 was very eye opening. Finding my husband, Mike, in a pool of his own blood was not what I wanted to see.

I woke up at 0230, sprang out of bed because of the loud "THUD" that I heard. Walking out of my bedroom, I called out to my husband who was awake due to an uncomfortable pain. I called his name three times until I saw his body on the floor in the darkness.

I panicked only for a second. I shook him to alert him to consciousness. He sprang up like Old Glory. He didn't know where he was or who I was. I saw the black blood trickling down his face and the black pool that was on the carpet. I swiftly assisted him to the lounge part of our sectional couch. I sat him there. As I looked into his eyes, there was a blank slate. My husband was not there.

Those blue eyes that holds the key to lovers soul, he is not there. As I turn around and reach for my phone, he passes out for a second time. He slumped over like a limp noodle ,falls on the floor, landing on his head. This time I propped him up against the wall. I began to call 911. My hands start shaking. I am able to communicate with the dispatcher to get the fire department and paramedics. They notify me that they are on their way. I proceed to call my mother-in-law about the condition of her son.

I felt powerless and completely hopeless.

As the paramedics loaded my husband,  there were no thoughts in my mind. Nothing but helplessness that I felt for my husband.

I followed the ambulance very carefully and cautiously. I was concentrating on the EMT and the care that he was administering to my husband.

God is amazing how he handles these things. My husband where he fell in our apartment had a very high chance of hitting his head on our bookshelf and that would have broken his neck. My husband went home with MINOR contusions and scrapes. I feel that if the presence of God was not in my home, I fear the worst would have happened.

My point of this story is that prayer is powerful. God is mighty. He protects all things that are under his banner.

There was a Sunday school song, that the only part that I remember is that

"His banner over me is love."

God, I want to thank you for your mighty presence. While I can not see you, I know you are here. Thank You for Your love for us as human beings. Thank you for your protection. Thank You for the faithfulness of others for they have provided us with the prayers that You have heard in heaven.

All glory, honor and praise.

In Your name,

Amen.

So I got the talking to...

Ok, so we all struggle with failure and let me tell you it has been on my mind 24/7. I kept thinking that I was not cut out for nursing school, and I have not even been in nursing school that long to even quit. But, those thoughts are heavy in my mind.

Yesterday, I was just convinced, mind you these are all lies from Satan himself, that after this semester I am going to just drop out of nursing school. HA! BIG FATTY LIE!

As I am listening to this loud obnoxious lying voice, I cry out to God. This is the extent of our conversation.


Me: "God, am I cut out for this? I have worked so hard to get here and I just feel defeated in everything I do. I feel I am not going to give the patient the care that her/she needs. What is my purpose? What is my calling? Why am I here? I feel like I am drowning. I just want to quit. I CAN'T DO THIS!!
----------By this time I have tears in my eyes. I am standing in the middle of my tiny apartment kitchen, cooking red potatoes for dinner and having what I thought just a one way conversation with God.

I heard God in the tiny voice possible, but loud enough to drown out all the fears, lies, and manipulations of the devil.

God said:
I did not create you to be stagnant. I created you with purpose.

Jeremiah 33:3
"Call to me and I will answer you with great and unsearchable things you do not know."


Phillipians 4:13
"I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me."


I am living my purpose. I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. That's why I feel so defeated. Satan is coming at me full force. It has taken me 10 years to find the path where God wants me to go.
I am growing. Growing HURTS...
I felt and still feel completely humbled. Who am I to quit? Who am I to stop doing what God wants me to do?
God is the center of this journey. I can not loose sight of that. I am His hands and reaching out to people who need love and healing the most. Love is what ties everything together. That is why God spoke to me, he reprimanded me. He did that out love.

Crazy dreams lately..

Now since nursing school started, I have been  having some really intense dreams.
My dream was in color and very graphic. I think the news of my best friend being pregnant, and the last post that I read on Facebook was my sister's, is how my dream started.

It was more nightmare and more of some thing that would be in a horror show.

I was in the middle of my parent's house, and my mom and I were arguing because my sister was pregnant. My mom was calling my little sister various not nice names, if you get my drift. I was standing up for my sister .and her word that she did not in fact sleep with anyone and her pregnancy was miraculous. With that being said, within minutes her belly starts to protrude and become bruised and very gangrenous looking. She looks very ill, almost like she is on the verge of death, and slices her side open. There is blood every where and this creature crawls out. It looks like a 5 year old boy, pale skin, and black eyes. His lips have a very red and black tinge to them. His eyes are so dark and eerie, it sends chills up my spine. He mumbled words that put me down. Then, he fades away in the walls of the house. Its like the house engulfs him, and he is present but can not be seen.

I woke up this morning at 4:32am. I had to wake my husband up. I was so scared. What is the meaning of this dream.

It has occurred to me that I have a spirit of fear. I am really afraid of failing nursing school. I am NOT to live in a spirit of fear, but be COURAGEOUS and PERSEVERE.

Yea, that kid's face explains it all! 

I love memes ZOMGOODENESS!

Ok, so I am absolutely obsessed with memes. Cat memes, Walking Dead memes, etc I could totally get lost in memes..so I am going to post a few of my favorites because they make me laugh.

LIEUTENANT DAN.....ICE CREAM!

This is how my cats act towards me.^^

Hope you all have enjoyed my memes...I think after my test on Tuesday...its going to be depressing memes.